Hands on Parenting

Despite the conventional wisdom that teens don't want their parents to establish rules and expectations, a survey completed by the National Center On Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) determined this may not be as accurate as parents believe.  The survey found that teens with "hands-on" parents are much more likely to report an excellent relationship with their parents, and are four times less likely to use alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs as teens with "hands-off" parents.  According to the 2000 survey of 1,000 teens 12-17, only one in four teens in America live with "Hands-on Parents" parents who have established a house hold culture of rules and expectations for their teens behavior and monitor what their teen's do: such as the TV shows they watch, the CD's they buy, what they access on the Internet and where they are on evenings and weekends.

The 2000 CASA National Survey of American Attitudes Abuse IV: Teens for the first time correlated each teen's risk of substance abuse with a series of 12 possible actions the teen attributed to his/her parents. "Hands-On" parents consistently take at least 10 of these actions. "Hands-off" parents take five or less.

The 12 actions against which parental action is measured are:

  1. monitor what their teen watches on TV

  2. monitor what they do on the Internet

  3. put restrictions on the CD's they buy

  4. know where their teens are after school and on weekends

  5. expect to be, and are told the truth by their teens about where they are really going

  6. are "very aware" of their teen's academic performance

  7. impose a curfew

  8. make clear they would be "extremely upset" if their teen used alcohol or illegal substances

  9. eat dinner with their teens most every night

  10. turn off the TV during dinner

  11. assign their teen regular chores

  12. have an adult present when they come home from school

The loud and clear message of the survey is this: moms and dads should be parents to their children, not pals.  According to Joseph A Califano, CASA president, "Mothers and fathers who are parents rather than pals can greatly reduce the risks of their children drinking, smoking, and using drugs. They can counter negative media influences and the prevalence of marijuana and other drugs in the teens' world.  Whatever the family structure, whether the teen lives with both parents, a single mom or a single dad, their risk of smoking, drinking, or using illegal drugs in "hands-on" households is dramatically lower than that of the average teen.

Letter to Parents w/ Sample Parent-Teen Contract